They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
