shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize