That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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