she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize