My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
