you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
