You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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