Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Are we still banned from the library?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
