I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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