Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
