If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
