My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
