Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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