you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
