I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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