I'm so fucking centered right now
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She needs sedatives and a leash
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
