he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
