I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize