Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
