I'm jealous of your bromance
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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