Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
