I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
