Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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