Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
