we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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