My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
