I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
