The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize