dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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