Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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