If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
