Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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