It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I have feelings that need drinking.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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