Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
