sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
True strength comes from lack of pants
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
