I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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