Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
