Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
