u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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