Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
