I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
