2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
