I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
