It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
