i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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