Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
