I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
