high people should be assigned attendants
is wine microwaveable?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
