is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
