you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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