We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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