yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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