My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Randomize