Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
