Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The police scanner is talking about you again....
a search helicopter?!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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