when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
