sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
