I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Randomize
