I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
