That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
