Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I party with great urgency now.
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