I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
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