im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
