I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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