Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
