Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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