i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He did a backflip because drugs
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
