she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
