are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
