you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
