We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize