I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
