Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
